In 2007, I was experiencing an unexpected pregnancy. I decided to look into adoption to see what my options were. I wasn't sure if I could afford to keep the baby, and was going through some significant stress at the time.
When I initially contacted IAC, they were quick to prey on my emotional state. They told me what a courageous thing placing my child was, started refering to me as a birthmother (although I was pregnant and wasn't even close to my due date), telling me how there were so many couples out there that could take care of my baby since I wasn't able to (even though they had no way to know that), and that I was doing waht was best for my child by choosing adoption (even though I hadn't chosen adoption, but was just wanting information).
They immedately started asking what type of person I'd want to raise my child, and I thought they wer asking in general terms, as a what if scenario. They started sending me profiles and 'Dear Birthmother' letters. In my diminished emotional state, they sucked me in and made me start to believe adoption was the 'right' thing to do for my child.
They encourage me to quickly pick a couple. The first one I picked I let them know I was having second thoughts after Mother's Day, and they decided not to pursue it. IAC wanted me to quickly choose another couple. I did, and the couple was wonderful.
They told me open adoption was available, but failed to give me accurate information as to the percentage of oppen adoptions that were closed by the choice of the adoptive parents after the adoption was finalized. They also told me in Ohio I woudl sign away my rights after 72 hours, but did not advise that I could wait longer than that.
I went on forums about adoption, adn found out inforamtion. When I confronted IAC with some of the thinks I'd been told, they told me almost none of their open adoptions were ever closed. They didn't say that I would have no legal rights is the adoptive parents decided to change the terms.
They had a birth plan drawn up, and at the hospital during delivery I had to state that the baby was intended for adoption. Why this mattered during labor I don't know.
I had my daughter, and my hospital room was taken over by the PAPs. The agency didn't send anyone to counsel me, nor had they provided me with any independant counseling. I was encouraged to leave the baby at the hospital so I didn't get attached. I was also told taht the relinquishment would be signed at 72 hours.
I decided to leave the hopital with my daughter when I was able to be discharged. I had to basically leave at midnight for fear that someone would try to stop me if I waited until morning.
The next day I was bombarded by calls, and told I needed to schedule a time to sign that papers. It had been less than 48 hours since I'd given birth, and I wasn't in any emotional state to deal with that. I wanted to recover adn spend time with my daughter to see if I wanted to keep her. IAC was telling me how upset the PAPs were becuase I had left and they didn't know where their baby was. Actually, she was my baby, and I had every right to leave if I wanted to. They did their best to make me feel guilty, which started to work.
Luckily, I was strong enough to stand up against them and say I would not sign any paperwork and I was keeping the baby. Sadly, I don't think that all women, especially in the delicate emotional state after birth, would be able to do the same. Luckily I had a support network of people who had been through this and were able to tell me the birthmother's side of adoption. I had to look at this for myself, without any reference from IAC.
IAC preyed on my emotional turmoil, and used whatever they could to thry to get me to relinquish. Luckily I am in my 30s so I had more life experience to fall back on once I started having second thoughts. I fear for younger women, that these tactics might convince them to relinquish even if they reconsider after birth.
Women are not birthmothers until they sign relinquishment papers. This adoption agency wasn't really concerned with me, I was just a way to earn them money (by marketing me as a birthmther and allowing the to collect fees from teh PAPs). Their wole purpose is to get babies for people who want them, not to be sure that the babies who are given up are only given up because there is no other option. Many women have been pursueded to relinquish even though they didn't really want to, but were convinced by those at the agency that they were making the best choice for their child.
By matching pregnant women with families, they put undue pressure on the expectant woman, as well as get the hopes up of a couple that desperately wants a child. This practice, in my experience, is harmful and stressful for both parties. However, it is done because the agency can make a profit by doing it this way.
Pressuring someone who has just had a baby and has hormones going out of control seems unethical. Likewise, using 'selling' techniques to expectant women looking into their options seems unethical as well. Why not just explain the process, then allow the woman to give birth and see how she feels? If she thinks adoption is the right option at that point, then start the process of matching the new mother with a couple.
Updated On: Monday, November 17, 2008
FYI - after I decided to keep my daughter, no one at the agency that told me how much they cared about me and my child while I was pregnant and a potential 'birthmother' even called me to see how things were going.
